Where The Light Is

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fences

this is the deep and dying breath

give my gun away when it's loaded

the wrong kind of place to be thinking of you

because this road is all you'll ever have

plugin&play If you read, you will judge. the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return
My Dear we're slow dancing in a burning room	Friday, August 28, 2009, 11:10 PM I feel like a jew in a nazi community centre. I don't think my eyes have shifted so much before, neither have i been so careful about every little thing i do. I have been moving prop couches up and down a dingy flight of stairs for months for different shows just so i could rehearse on it for an hour or so. I could walk into IKEA and they'd hire me as their couch delivery man. I don't wanna sound like i'm complaining but i am. But i know i'm not cos it's worth it. I haven't felt calm in 11 weeks. The sky is falling yet here we stand. It feels like you're throwing a handful of sand at me and asking me to catch every single grain. It's drizzling after 3 months of dry death. Car rides home with you. It seems every time we sit there, there's a whole world of disquiet blank fuzz shadow darkness black stare thing. Your car or mine? I can't tell the difference anymore. I don't remember mornings or evenings without you. I'm not entirely certain if that's good or bad. What happened to hellos and goodbyes. Don't need em'. But i need em. It's been awhile since i woke up and had the choice to go back to sleep. So i rise, hit the snooze button and blink my eyes a couple times to break the ethereal dream i had (you're not in it), i stare down at a pair of green-grey eyes which stare back, jump at me and pur for food. So i reach over my pillow to my table and grab the packet of odd-smelling liver and turkey snacks and chuck a few chunks by my bed. And so the purr moves to the food. I look back down at my pillow. I didn't do anything to it but today it just seemed to have a sign that read "go back to bed and sleep some more." glued to it. But i can't. Cos you need a ride to school and i can't be late. So i pick up my phone and dial your number, like i've been doing for awhile now, and keep trying till you wake up and pick up. C'est la vie, s'habituent le. Wednesday, August 12, 2009, 10:17 PM Never crossed my mind If you don't die of complete awe by the end of this video, i will officially stab my chest for you. Or at least by 1:40 when he does a bass slide with his voice. I am too tired to register anything logical in my mind, yesterday was the econs test, today, the 3 hour GP paper with 2 hours of Inspire dance rehearsals right after. Tomorrow's the DEP assignment. Friday's the Lit essay. Someone crash through my window now with a box of pizza and corndogs and i will swear an oath to always love you. I'm too hungry to sleep, but too tired to eat. I can neither feel my face nor see past my left toe. I need sleep. ao Saturday, August 8, 2009, 12:18 PM She forgets to write him anywhere It's not been an easy week, in fact, the past week was probably one of the hardest i've ever had to go through this year, and it seems like from here on, it's not gonna be easy for the rest of the year. At least until the promos end. And there is absolutely nothing i can do about any of the circumstances that have been thrown onto my head, and from here on, it's going to be a constant bash on my head every time i try to lift my head above the water just to breathe. But if i can get out of all this alive, i think i'd be able to survive anything. Better hopes for tomorrow, right? Next week's prolly gonna be much worse than this one, with 2 major tests on topics i wasn't even around to learn, and i can already predict the reactions to the results. It just isn't fair. What the hell did i get myself into? ao Monday, August 3, 2009, 5:46 PM Some place on the edge of time It never really hit me, we returned for 2 days and within that, i felt nothing, in fact, i was glad to be back, back to all this familiarity. Then the 3rd day crept in like a fog cutting through dew-kissed grass, slowly engulfing the green like a subtle parasite, and the days that followed pushed me and my poor mind into a state of remembrance, a sudden stop of relief and a sudden want of whatever i had lost. Everything. The smell of the room, the taste of the water, the sudden burst of fresh dry air that hit you whenever you slipped past the revolver doors, the constant stifling deadness of the air inside the theatre, the fluttering white of the pamphlets they give us, a quick 30 second hand made fan for a quick relief. The disquiet that filled the air like the broken banks of a river fills land in the dead of night, sudden slams of doors like war drums, sending battalions of brave men and women to their alcoholic dooms, the occasional beat echoing in the distance, constant heart thumping rhythms,tempting the body to get up and move, hips, elbows, shoulders, head, feet, we all moved as one. Music, the great communicator. Your drunken melodies echo across the hallway as you stumble blindly making your way back to your rooms, I sit, quieter than the dead, writing in my book, listening. Just listening. Knowing that in just days, all that i would be now, would be nothing more than what i was then. Now, here, i sit, thousands of miles away from where any of you are, split apart like a drop of ink thrown into a paper cup filled with water. A thousand different directions at a thousand miles per hour. As far as distant stars across universes, we'd never see any of you again. All my heart can hope for is the light, that all of your stars shone, hopes that they would shine forever, desperate cries for sovereignty over my recollections, hoping to never be forgotten. Ryan Adams comes back onto my playlist and suddenly i'm pulled back. Back to the nights when i would write, sometimes with you by my side, sometimes you'd be too tired, but i'd sit by the window and just write. Every verse seems to drag every inch of me back, and i don't mind, i'm immersed in yesterday. It was not enough, time never is, but it was long enough to last forever, for me at least. Don't forget us. Because we won't forget you. Political Scientist - Ryan Adams ao Saturday, August 1, 2009, 12:27 AM This is Vienna Vienna, the most beautiful city in the world. I can stand here today and swear by that fact now that i've actually seen it. What can i say, it was the time of my life, it was the time of our lives. I don't think any of us, from all the countries, are gonna forget the World youth theatre festival in Vienna, everything kinda had this spec of perfection and this uncanny knack to leave you craving for more of it. It was fun while it lasted. Alot happened, a lot changed, and as cliche as this may sound, i found this little part of me i never knew existed before, the way i see the world is gonna be alot different. And i think this is true for many of us, we grew together as an ensamble, shared the glory of that stage, twice, together, endured what we had to endure, enjoyed what we could, said what we needed to say, burned hours of sleep just so we could spend more time together in the beauty,made connections with people from around the world that will last for a very long time, and made every single insignificant moment feel like forever, just because we could. While we were there, i kept a daily journal thing which i've made into a little book with small hopes of someday publishing. Suddenly, i really miss the place. The food, the weather, the dorm, the beds, the toilet, the stage, the theatre chairs, the dining hall, the Irish, the English, the Romanians, the German, the Thai, the Slovakian, the Slovenian, the Danes, the Maltese, the Israelis, the Palastines, the Hungarians, the Lingen, the Serbians, the Lithuanians and the Czechs. Re-wind time. If only i could. Pfft. I'll seeyuh when i seeyuh. ao		the machiavellian ist Vanity isn't a sin, a little narcissm wouldn't hurt. The World would be a much lesser place without corndogs and pizzas. Facebook Andrew. Music. Food. People. What more could you possibly want?		partnersincrime One day when i wake up and find the motive and time to link anybody, i'll let you know. backtoyesterday + Truth is, babe, I love you too. + Sometimes I walk out the door with a smile on my f... + Moments are a lot more real than what you make the... + Only when you can separate the mind from the heart... + Life is becoming a day old chewing gum that's gone... + The world has too much to say sometimes. Every ind... + It's starting to get dark now and the world around... + The heart is thrown into a free fall and the very ... + I've pictured that moment before. About one year a... + Hero. You think you're getting somewhere, slim, bu... wheni'mgone + April 2007 + May 2007 + June 2007 + July 2007 + August 2007 + September 2007 + October 2007 + November 2007 + December 2007 + January 2008 + February 2008 + March 2008 + April 2008 + May 2008 + June 2008 + July 2008 + August 2008 + September 2008 + October 2008 + November 2008 + December 2008 + January 2009 + February 2009 + March 2009 + April 2009 + May 2009 + June 2009 + July 2009 + August 2009 + September 2009 + October 2009 + November 2009 + December 2009 + January 2010 + February 2010 + March 2010 + April 2010 + June 2010 + July 2010 + August 2010 + September 2010 + October 2010 + November 2010 + December 2010 + January 2011 + February 2011 + March 2011 + April 2011 takeabow An accidentality production Inspiration from DancingSheep & BONBON:D		theventingmachine