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My Dear we're slow dancing in a burning room |
Tuesday, August 31, 2010, 11:29 PM
I mean i know i'm gonna seem like a hypocrite for saying this but i don't wanna go anywhere anymore. I wanna stay in this damn country no matter how much i hate it sometimes. But it's not any part of this place that makes it worth while. Not some special sense of patriotism or loyalty that's pulling me closer towards this Island city. It's all of you. You made today what it is. Without us together as one, none of this would be the same. My world would be different a hundred times over without you guys in it. So don't go just yet, don't even think about it. Let future us worry about where we're going. Cos i don't really wanna go or be anywhere but right here and right now. I wish you'd see that. All of you. Sunday, August 29, 2010, 1:09 AM
I mean it's not like a concert or a play or even a goddamn national day dinner where there's something to talk about, be it the singer, the actors or the fireworks. But at your dad's friend's birthday dinner there is absolutely nothing to talk about. I mean what in the hell can anyone possibly say?! "Yea great guy isn't he. My dad's really fond of him. yea. Great guy. Great that he's having a birthday. I mean, don't get those very often do you. Only pops by about once a year. Nice place this is too. Have you been to the toilets? Oh the taps are lovely. Absolutely delightful. Oh yea." Albeit my segregation, my dad forced me to socialize with the ancients. So I did, and since all of them were either blind, deaf, stupid or everything aforementioned, i managed to convince 3 different people that i was 23, married and worked as a recording artist in Ireland. The other 5 on the table i managed to convince that i was 14 and in Bukit Gombok secondary school. Well it was fun watching them all conglomerate and confuse themselves. At which point i conveniently relocated myself to a different table. A table occupied by (thank god) young people. Unfortunately, they were having intense and intimate discussions about Starcraft and DOTA. It was better than nothing so i decided to listen in and learn a thing or two about starcraft weapons and maps. I was bored enough to contemplate sticking the dinner forks into my earlobes. The evening ended like all of dad's gatherings normally do; everyone piss drunk and screaming out ballads. Tomorrow is a Sunday. I say that with full conviction as i know it will be a good day. Prelims end on Tuesday and hopefully we can all hit the beach right after that. Something to look forward to. =) Thursday, August 26, 2010, 11:11 PM
1. Boxing course at Vanda boxing club 2. Go for Jazz/Contemp dance lessons at Jitterbugs 3. Audition for the Young Company/ Wild Rice shows 4. Work on short films with Bryant and all to maybe enter the Toronto film festival/Sundance 5. Sign up to be a teacher at the Academy of Rock at HV And the list goes on. Maybe i'm being too ambitious for my own good, either way, it's better than what i'm doing now. Wednesday, August 25, 2010, 8:04 PM
I just want to get on a boat and sail off somewhere, or get on a plane and fly to some island, with you, with all of us, we could just run away right now and not give a shit about anything. Stand by the edge of the top deck of a ship, holding a chilli dog in one hand and a margarita in the other, feel the wind try to rip through my body without thinking about anything in the world, dance the night away, talk about your future, talk about my future, laugh at the funny things we've said and done before in the past, sing songs till our throats run hoarse, watch great movies, watch ridiculous movies, get lost in a world of our own. Soon. Soon enough. Monday, August 23, 2010, 10:03 PM
Saturday, August 21, 2010, 3:03 PM
I've seen you before. 3 floors above mine, 2 daughters, both of whom have packed up and left you, your wife is nowhere to be seen, you're retired, do nothing much but mill about your house playing ping pong with your wall. Prolly haven't taken a shower since 1973. You push your broken glasses up the haggled bridge of your nose and stare at me like i was from the set of X-Files. You open your mouth slowly and mutter "So big size ah?" In the foulest tone i've heard since Hitler's final speech. I frown, you flinch. "Yea i am, uncle, i used to be bigger but i'm actually losing weight." "Orh, you primary what? Or secondary school?" "I'm 18, (You withering dipshit)" "Orh orh. Army ah?" "Soon. Prolly early next year." "Wahh army ah, you ah big size like that sure die one." "Yea, but i'll learn how to use a gun. And i promise i'll come back home to visit every now and then. You live 3 floors above me right?" You look away nervously. Why? Getting scared are we? You step out of the lift as a mouse would scutter out of box after being shaken with a pinch of arsenic powder. I mutter under my breath as you walk away, "big size doesn't mean i'm physically incapable you foul nutfuck." You don't seem to hear me. You belong to a generation that's fast ebbing away into the dark corners of society. People like you with shallow minds enough only to store the piss you and your rodent friends swim in. Fat, skinny, big, small, good, bad, capable, incapable, your entire world is in black and white. Mine's in shades of grey and i will wait for the day your body crumbles into dust so i can go up to your disintegrated face and tell you that i am capable. More capable than you thought, and more capable than you ever have been. adios, motherfucker, i'll see you on the flipside. Friday, August 20, 2010, 10:19 PM
Up till now i was afraid to admit that i've got big dreams. I've been afraid to say it because i know the moment i admit that i've got dreams, i'm never gonna stop chasing it. So here's what i'd like to happen to me. After the A's, i get into army, get a shit job, work a 9-5 in some camp in the middle of nowhere, save up enough money from all this to finally buy a decent Marshall amp and header and throw out the current Fender Sidekick II hand-me-down from my dad's dead friend, apply for the Berklee College of Music in Boston and get accepted under a scholarship, fly over to the land of dreams, graduate from there with hopefully a decent enough status to get signed by an indie record label in New York, make demos and play at dingy pubs and bars at 2am in the morning and going home to a skyliner apartment in downtown Soho, interview for some tv show or get onto MadTV/SNL as a permanent cast member and scriptwriter, get enough moolah to buy my girlfriend a plane ticket to join me in my life and continue making music till the day i die. Alright, so that's a dream. Here's the more realistic one. Get into NUS FASS with a degree in Psych and Sociology and become a criminal psychologist working part time as a singer. Be me for a second and look at my options. I dunno, i kinda like Boston and New York. But i don't want to leave. I like where i am, i like where we are, I'm perfectly comfortable living in this life. I know where everything is, i know where to go to get a decent plate of chicken rice or the next best Starbucks to get a mocha frapp or the Subway that makes the best footlong parmesan oregano BMT with cheese and toasted with everything except the jalepeneos and sweet onion and honey mustard. I know what i've been dreaming of, but i also know what i love and where i'd like to be. I can't leave even if i wanted to. But this is me speaking now. 10 years is a long time for anyone to change their minds. I could end up being a plumber or a waiter or the guy who screws the caps onto toothpaste tubes. Could happen. Why not? Thursday, August 19, 2010, 8:29 PM
Stand outside before the gates open checking a little piece of paper, a hundred or so of us. Row 2, seat E. Go in, place our bags and valuables in the luggage compartments at the back. Get to our seats with a bit of squeezing, people all around you trying to remain calm before the flight takes off. "Ladies and gentlemen welcome aboard flight 5032, Economics H2 examination. Please do check that you're sitting in the right place and do not have any un-authorized material aboard this flight. Please switch off all mobile phones as their signals would interrupt the great machinery moving this airbus. In a while, our flight attendants will be coming down the rows and distributing string for everyone, please do leave your plane ticket at the top right hand corner of your desk for attendance. Also note that the seat-belt signs will be put on during the first and last 15 minutes of the flight and the lavatories will be off-limits then. As your captain i am obliged to read out to you a set of safety instructions in a while's time before we take off. If there is anything you would need, do inform any of our flight attendants and we will be with you shortly. This plane will take off at exactly 215 pm on the clock in the cockpit. Once again, we thank you for choosing to fly with us and we hope you have a pleasant flight. Your time starts now. You may begin." And then, we give gravity a run for its money. Wednesday, August 18, 2010, 7:41 PM
I'm losing it. This is my A levels, and i'm losing it. I got to bed last at 10 but only fell asleep at 3. My bullet train brain not stopping for a second. I wait. I breathe, in and out, in and out, through my nose, no, through my mouth, do i normally breathe through my nose or my mouth? Which should i breathe through my nose or my mouth? My nose is a little blocked ok i'll breathe through my mouth. Now my mouth is drying up, i need to wet it. I swallow. Feels better. Wait, do i normally swallow when i sleep? Should i swallow again? How do i sleep now when i'm sposed to swallow and breathe? Ok just try to be calm. Breathe in and out, in and out, through the mouth, now through the nose, no through the mouth for god's sake ok now swallow, breathe through the mouth, now swallow. Ok stop swallowing it's making me uncomfortable and i can't get to sleep like this. Don't swallow. I need to swallow. I feel the urge kicking at the back of my throat. I control myself. Do not swallow. I'm not breathing oh godammit i swallowed. Stay calm, you'll go mad at this rate, just breathe, think of nothingness and just go to sleep. Darkness. Nothingness. Waiting. Just waiting. Why am i not asleep? I'm still waiting to sleep. I'm still not sleeping! Breathe, nose, mouth, swallow- NO don't swallow, i'm still awake for fuck's sake. It went on like that for about 3 hours before i think i just got so physically exhausted that my body shut my brain down. The hell is wrong with me. I hope for my own sake that i don't think tonight. Just don't think. I need my music. Tuesday, August 17, 2010, 9:40 PM
To us, to freedom, to victory, to the war we are about to walk into. Side by side, we crawl together through the hell of this earth. And we will make it out alive. One way or another. Monday, August 16, 2010, 6:19 PM
Just so you know, you'll always be my brother, i'll always have your back and i'll be sorry the day you can't look me in the eye and shake my hand. Con l'oscurità, striscio con i miei fratelli per affrontare il sogno impossibile , 1:14 AM
I don't know what i want anymore. There used to be a time where i could tell you a thousand and one things i'd like to do with my life and then do it. I used to be able to write songs and endless stories about the wonders and mysteries of life that i haven't yet discovered, take pictures of beautiful smiles and keep them close to my heart. I used to be able to hang on to things like they were gold, hide them behind this shelf somewhere deep inside my heart so that no one could ever take it away from me. I don't know where that guy has gone. Once upon a time, i used to know what "free time" was. Somehow i'd relish the thought of being free and immediately do the things i love. I don't know what i'd do now if i had free time. Hard to even pronounce those words without feeling like i'm telling a lie. Coffee, paper, pen. My wife and kids these days. Spend more time with them than i do being alone in the bathroom. Write, write, write. The amount of words i'm scribbling out on paper i'd be strong enough to lift my whole weight using my pinky soon enough. They make sense, for a while. Then it starts to feel like chimpanzees giving a whack on the typewriter. "The poem uses diction to suggest the inescapable nature of time." What does that even mean? To you? To me? Why should anyone give a damn? It's just there. Poems should be like balloons, you inflate it, tie it up, let it go and watch it fly. See it get closer to heaven every second until the sun throws itself into your eyeballs and spits at your soul. Why study it till it pops? Balloons, like birds, were meant to fly. Nuff said. |
the machiavellian ist
Vanity isn't a sin, a little narcissm wouldn't hurt.Andrew. Music. Food. People. What more could you possibly want? |
partnersincrime
One day when i wake up and find the motive and time to link anybody, i'll let you know. backtoyesterday
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