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My Dear we're slow dancing in a burning room |
Wednesday, November 24, 2010, 1:51 PM
I was taking the evening bus yesterday on the way home from the econs paper (which went fantastic) and again was caught up with the evening work crowd. My 2 hour bus ride takes me to exotic places like the CBD area and downtown Tanjong Pagar which is basically the corporate district of Singapore. I was feeling adventurous so i put my ipod on shuffle and the next song that came on as the bus hit the first stop at the Subway beside Central Boulevard was Joni Mitchell's Both Sides Now and quite incidentally, a whole bunch of office workers boarded the bus, one middle-aged pot-bellied beast of a man struggled up to the second deck and was barely breathing right as he squeezed into the seat in front of me. Robot after robot, they came like a swarm, all dressed in shirts and pants, blouses and briefcases, make-up masking their un-smiling faces and eyes that were so beyond dead it scared me to think these people operate on a daily basis as human beings. The only thing crossing my mind was: These are adults. 10-20 years down the road i'm probably going to be one of them, i'm going to be taking a bus back from my boring ass office job in the middle of a stuffy old city with as much excitement as a medicated housefly. You always hear adults saying 'it may not be the best job in the world, but i love what i'm doing.' If anyone sitting around me had told me that i would've laughed in their faces and handed them a name-tag that said 'bullshitter.' It got me thinking, how long have they been doing that? A year? 2 years? 3? It must feel like forever to fall into this continuum of routine, this ridiculous tedium that they're all subjected to. As always, my mind started making comparisons with my own life (a common trait for people like me who up to a certain point are as unconcerned with the future as an elephant is with the small fly resting on its head) and it brought me back a few months ago to when I was still caught in the routine of school and rehearsals. 730-4, brain damaging school work, 430-9, insane rehearsals for multiple shows sometimes all in one night. I remembered then a train ride back with Fee and Mich one night when we were talking about basically nothing, silence was the subject topic and a closed mouth was the only action going on. As they both slumbered on the moving train (a handy skill i need to pick up one day) i thought there and then that that was what working life would feel like, but i was completely ok with it. I had those two and a whole other bunch of guys who were right by my side feeling as worn out and exhausted as i was and i felt so confident that I'm ok as long as i've got all of them with me. We'd eat together every now and then, I'd say or do something completely stupid like i was under medication and we'd all have a laugh, then we'd start whining about our lives, making witty remarks at our dictatorial fuhrer(s) and eventually we'd all be breaking down into spasming bodies of laughter by the end of the night at our regular Subway joint. Friday nights were the best. If i could, i'd capture those moments and those feelings in a bottle just so i never forget how it feels like, and 10-20 years down the road when i'm stuck in an office job being and pertaining to the very definition of sad and bored, i'd open it up and look inside to remember how it felt. No Criss Angel or David Blain/Copperfield can ever re-create that kind of a feeling. It's a kind of magic that you tend to lose as you get older. I guess i'm just worried that at some point, I'm going to lose that joy myself. The past 2 years have been the best of my life and i want every year from this one on to be bigger and better than the one before. How? I've no clue. But i have a feeling that we all live on in each other, a little part of us grows together with the next one and just when you think every thing's lost, you can look back together and see that it's not. I don't want that to happen to us, I don't want to drift away like seeds in the wind, I'd like to be able to take the bus back with a couple of friends from now and still feel the same way. I think i'm scared of the future, and there's just no way of stopping it. Shit. |
the machiavellian ist
Vanity isn't a sin, a little narcissm wouldn't hurt.Andrew. Music. Food. People. What more could you possibly want? |
partnersincrime
One day when i wake up and find the motive and time to link anybody, i'll let you know. backtoyesterday
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theventingmachine
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